Joshua SciarrinoLast name; “Sure-Reno”

A New Personal Goal - Writing down my premonitionsFiled Under: Joshua's Life

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My life is weird. God reveals things to me and then they happen. 9 times out of 10 it’s not the exact way I envisioned it, but it does happen. These premonitions happen from time to time. They happen so dramatically that I threw my life behind them. Then recently, 2 premonitions failed and were absolutely wrong. I banked on them happening one way, where in truth they happened another way.

It’s kind of like winning the lottery 10,000 times in a row. Your track record is 10,000 for 10,000. You see no losing in sight. You let your pride get to you. You spent 10,000 dollars and you’ve won back $1,000,000 ($100 per winning). You feel so confident in your track record, that you decide to take all $1,000,000 and and enter 1,000,000 different lotteries on a bigger scale (every scratch off, state lotto’s, etc).

Time passes and you realize that you lost. You lost big. Bigger than you can imagine. You could’ve used that $1,000,000 and rejoiced and used it, instead you let that pride get to you. The aftermath is totally annihilation to you because you didn’t just bet the $1,000,000, you told all your friends and wagered your heart, life, and reputation on it. You said, “Hey, I’ve won 10,000 times in the past. I’ll win again, watch everyone!! Watch! Come and watch me win!!!” They all scoff at you because you have no documentation of your previous $1,000,000 of winnings. You won. You personally won! TEN THOUSAND TIMES. You never wrote those times down. You never discussed them with people. You kept them in your heart. They were 10,000 real events in your life. 

But, naturally, your word is little. It’s nothing personal but everyone says stuff. Barack said he wouldn’t have any lobbyists on his team, but he’s hired at least two. Things change, stuff happens, it’s life. We all know we’ve stretched the truth on things. Knowing this, many of us have problems with believing others.

We live in a fallen imperfect world.

It’s difficult to believe, when there is imperfection. There is a level of doubt, that is normal. No one can 100% proof that God exists, it ultimately lays in the hands of an act of trust (faith). You trust the idea. I would say it’s same for evolution because we weren’t there, therefore there are too many variables assumed to ‘prove’ it’s idea.

There are many assumptions in science and religion. And it’s those assumptions create an element of doubt. There is nothing wrong with assumptions but everyone should embrace that it’s how life is.

Some would argue that there are more assumptions in religion than science and to an extent I would agree but that doesn’t mean it’s any less valid. It just means there are more variables involved. If God exists, then where is hell? How did God get here? Does God exist inside of space/time? How? Why? What????

If there were provable absolute truths, we wouldn’t discuss things. We’d be like “2+2=4, case closed, next please”. We’d be like “God exists and His name is Jesus, case closed, next please”. We’d be like “God doesn’t exist, evolution is wrong, another idea is the truth, case closed, next please”. But there is reason to doubt.

Christianity teaches that we should explain ‘why we believe’ what we believe (1 Peter 3:15). If something is absolute, there is no object that can be raised. There is no ‘why’. For example, Why does 2+2=4? IT JUST DOES.

Although there are flaws in my philosophical talk, I think you understand my point. Absolutes = Absolutes. In some aspects you can say it’s circular reasoning but if it’s an absolute it is circular because it’s true. Absolute truth is non-conditional. Absolution truth has no error, it’s has no end. It’s eternal.

Faith is called faith for a reason. Faith means trust. Trust means there is reason to not trust. Faith means there is room for doubt.

So, back to my original rant. I can’t stop having premonitions. No matter how hard I try. There is no switch to turn it off. Also, I’m not sure that their is a switch to turn it on. If there is, I’m trying to find it.

These premonitions happen through prayer, thinking, meditation, randomly, out-of-the-blue, through others words that trigger something in my heart, and in short, THEY HAPPEN.

I wish I understood why. I wish I understood how to harness them. I wish I could make it do what I want it to. I wish I could save a life. I wish I could move nations. I wish I could call down fire from heaven. I wish I could prove it to you.

But I sit here, tearful. I CAN’T. I simply can’t. I can’t. It hurts that I can’t.

I can’t tell you where the mafia is at right now. I can’t tell you why Africa is treated so poorly. I can’t pray that your child comes back to life. I can’t do anything of myself. I have no power.

Honestly. I wish I did. I’d change this world in a minute. I’d let the debt of Africa go away, build wells, bring education. Kill people that are oppressing others (and/or convert them to a healthy heart).

Although I don’t have power to control this. Although I have no idea how to channel this. Although having this ability kills me inside. I’m going to try to embrace it and bring to light, it’s power.

Since I’ve realized recently that I hate criticism. That I despise it with a passion. I won’t be blogging it.

I might create a secret blog to write them all down. Probably not on this domain since I hate the hosting company and I’ve found a company that is 10 times better on my other domain. I’ll probably go to such an extent to protect the writings that I’m going to make it on a secure server (SSL) and password protected. I’m not sure if I’ll block it with robots.txt file because that would reveal it’s location on the server.

The reason it will be on the Internet is because I don’t want it on my desktop. The reason being because it’s like something that you’d put in a safety deposit box. Also because I have a journal but I have horrible writing, it’s difficult to read and the ink deteriorates over time and sometimes I forget I’m writing in pencil. Plus I can write faster through typing and I have the satisfaction that I ‘posted’ something. There is a sense of achievement in blogging. If I were just writing something and saving it on my hard drive, it just sits there doing nothing. There is no sense of achievement.

Another reason it’s going online is because it’s portable, I can easily show someone everything in it.

If the premonitions continue (I assume they will because I’ve tried to have them stop), over time, it will be public, but that’s after I have the strength to handle the criticism. Maybe after a few thousand of ’small’ premonitions, I’ll have a case to some people. Then maybe over time, I’ll have a few people invited to ‘test’ these (maybe friends or family or someone objectively) and provide their feedback.

Honestly, I can only think of two people to share these with right now. But even now, I hurt inside by opening myself up. To be naked, hurts. It hurts because of speculation. It hurts because of ‘thinking what they might be thinking’. 

So, I guess in some ways you can say, “Today, I’m publicly going private”. I hope to learn a lot in the future. Maybe find some people with the same gifting’ to share their experiences and wisdom. I don’t care if they are Christian or not, if they believe in creation or evolution. If they have the gifting’ they have the gifting’. And you should be easy for me to spot because you either have it or you don’t. It’s very difficult to fake it.